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After 45 minutes of “Kicking and Screaming”, the 1995 Noah Baumbach slacker opus not the shitty Will Farrell soccer comedy, I decided to do what the characters couldn’t do themselves, which was to start doing something.  I went into the kitchen and ate a banana.  I thought about where to hang this picture I have sitting on the floor.  I think I’ll put it in the bedroom corner wall next to the bed.  I opened “The Hanna Barbera Treasury” I checked out from the library yesterday and beefed up on the adventures of Augie Doggie and Doggie Daddy.  I also read up on the origins of Birdman.  Then I put my glasses on a Yogi Bear mask and took a picture of me wearing it.  I’m quite dashing as a bear.  All the while the people in the movie kept doing nothing.  I was accomplishing far more than they were and I wasn’t even trying that hard.  This made me dislike them all even more.  They talked a lot and to some extent a few things they said were mildly interesting and witty, but movies about people who do nothing and are aware of the nothingness they’re doing but keep doing it, these movies deserve a special place in Hell.  No one here has a real problem to grapple with.  No one is dying, no one is sick, no one has decrepit relatives they have to tend to.  No one is coping with being robed or raped or dealing with the thrill of killing a fellow human being.  No one is starting an ostrich farm or building a working spaceship made out of toothpicks in their basement.  No one even seems terribly stressed at being unemployed.  Everyone just sits around and whines about this and that, trying to decide what to do with life, all the while doing nothing.  I eventually began to hope that some broke, jobless, pissed off construction worker would walk into their bar and start beating them with a 2×4.  But alas that didn’t happen.  The people just kept talking.  Then someone tried to do something, but then they didn’t have their passport so they couldn’t.  So they went on doing nothing and then the movie was over.  Then I came in here and wrote this, which was more involving than anything in “Kicking and Screaming.”  It did have this notable observance:

“I like a bartender who drinks.  Otherwise I feel like I’m being poisoned.”

Now go.  Do not be like the people in this movie. The above line is all you need.  Go do something.  I’m going to the zoo.  Bye!


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