Skip navigation

Once upon a time, in a Hollywood far away,

There was a filmmaker named Tim Burton, who wanted to get paid

It didn’t seem that long ago that Tim was not so shallow and trite

There was a time when his works burst with enthusiasm, but were just a little slight

Many moons ago, when Tim was young, enthusiastic and new

He made films that people could love, and the man himself could be compared to few

He made a gleeful film with Pee Wee and gave us back a moody Batman,

He made Christmas a musical nightmare and gave the world that loveable Scissorhand’s

His films had vision, heart, despair and other qualities which abound

But slowly his films became lazy and tired, they began to fester and flop around

A movie about aliens didn’t pan out and his film with apes was total trash

His film at the chocolate factory was uniquely terrible, something akin to a terrible rash

With his inventiveness vanishing and his spark somehow drained

His works became rote and tiresome, of the ass a large pain

This brings us to his newest, Alice and her trip to Wonderland

A CGI craptastrophy, devoid of purpose and horribly bland

With a chest full of money and his alter ego Johnny in tow

Tim’s crafted nothing but a big, bloated, candy colored, CGI show

Armed with a script as dull as old pencil lead,

The story slogs forward like a zombie, freshly dead

All the dialogue’s flat, not a line spoke worth saying

But no one seemed to care as long as Warner Brothers was paying

Lewis Carroll’s playful witticisms have been exorcised like a pesky itch

Scared that as if something smart or clever were uttered the audience might bitch

A young, pretty, doe eyed actress is Alice, trotting across the screen

But she’s little more than a prop, there’s nothing for her to do in any one scene

She seems meditative most times, a flutter to her demeanor occasionally sneaking in

But she’s often upstaged and overshadowed by her motley crew of CGI kin

On hand is the Cheshire Cat, Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Dee and a caterpillar which smokes

But Depp’s Mad Hatter is the reason people are in the theater holding $9 Cokes

But Depp can do nothing with the mad man in a hat

He’s lost with no direction to go, his character like a pancake under a steamroller, quite flat

Depp showed up to put on his freaky white face, loopy green eyes and zany looking suit,

But on the page nothing is written, there’s no character to play, so why give a hoot?

The story ends with a boring battle, having Alice slay an ugly, freaky beast

But for any viewer still in the room, they’d have zoned out an hour ago, at least

Tim the director stands behind his camera, counts his cash, and listlessly films away

But for all involved, especially Tim, this feels like just another payday

More often than not Tim the director has begun to phone it in

Making movies that no one likes or remembers, doomed to line the cinematic dust bin

With each passing disaster Tim slides further down the directorial scale

His new works, time after time, coming up fail.

Next time Tim drops another worthless, cinematic blight

Don’t say you weren’t warned, the man makes nothing but shite.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: