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The Exorcist III (1990)- The mostly forgotten but underrated second sequel to the scariest movie ever is surprisingly decent.  It may not have little girls vomiting pea soup but how can you be that down on a movie which has dream sequence featuring Fabio and Patrick Ewing?  It shows a lot of signs of studio tinkering in its second half but there’s some genuine creepy in this movie.  The writing and direction from original Exorcist author William Peter Blatty isn’t bad either.  There’s a funny speech about a carp in a tub and I’m pretty sure an ill priest said ‘May the Schwartz be with you.”  George C. Scott shows that getting old and turning to horror movies for work doesn’t always have to be embarrassing.  Infinitely better than expected but one hopes that a restored version with a less haphazard finale materializes.  It’s probably a pretty great movie.

Children of the Corn (1984) – One of those mild and middling 80’s horror efforts which has half a dozen sequels no one has ever watched.  A bunch of holy rolling kids kill their parents under the guidance of a creepy little fuck who worships a corn lurking demon.  Liberal minded adults Linda Hamilton and Peter Horton ride through town and figure out these little bastards are in need of a severe whuppin’ and a college education.  They kill the evil demon in the corn and take all the kids to a blue state where they can get decent public education and apply for financial aid when its time to go to college.  Not very good but definitely contributes to the widely held belief that within every ginger kid is a creepy psycho waiting to get out.

Basic Instinct 2 (2006) –  14 years after Paul Verhoven flashed a spotlight between Sharon Stone’s legs, Stone and some misguided producers got the idea that the world wanted to look up her dress again. So Stone and company honor Verhoven’s perverse masterpiece by slapping together a sequel/retread so dull that even the steady stream of hard core sex is mind numbing.  Watching people hump in this movie would be like watching luggage screw, a dry, leathery rubbing sound is produced and little else.  Stone vamps around the screen in full on schlock mode, turning her once Machiavellian writer Catherine Tramell into a dick craving Cruella de Vil.  Juxtaposed against Stone’s ham sandwich performance is dry British dullard David Morrissey, doing his damnedest to be the dullest and dumbest human ever.  David Thewlis and Charlotte Rampling try to give the movie an air of British respectability in costarring roles but they don’t seem to realize or acknowledge they’re shuffling through the worst kind of Hollywood shit.  It’s easy to turn a blind eye when you’re being well paid.  The lesson here?  When the only person who wants to return for a sequel to a 14 year old murder and sex romp is the actress whose has since started to look like a tanned purse with legs, don’t make the movie.  This little nugget says it all.  In 1992 Basic Instinct made $117 million.  In 2006 Part 2 made less than $6 million.


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